Gifts From God

(the only important gift in my life that is missing from this picture is my great husband - we REALLY need to get some family pics now that the family is complete!)

I have been wanting to do this post for over a month, but I have had a hard time putting my emotions into words. This morning I heard the dj on the radio talking about the struggles she went through to have her son and after 20 years of trying, drs were able to help her get pregnant. Then less than two years later she got pregnant on her own. She was talking about how she really prayed about it, even when she had given up on having a baby.

While I was very fortunate to not have fertility problems and healthy pregnancies and babies, I had my own struggle. Please don't get me wrong, I love my boys more than my life, but I always felt like something was missing. My family did not feel complete, even though we had decided after Andrew it WAS complete! We had decided that AJ was our last baby, but I never stopped praying that I would have a girl. Just like the dj on the radio, I prayed and prayed for Madeleine. Even after we "completed" our family, I kept praying. It is not that I was being selfish, I just in my heart of hearts felt as though we were supposed to have a girl (maybe I was being selfish too...I don't know).

When we worked with the two year old class at our church in Bryant, the girls in the class always gravitated towards Paul. It was hard to see him interact with the girls in such a different way than the boys. I was so used to seeing him make airplanes and play rough with the kids that it was strange to see him sitting down coloring and drawing everything the girls asked (he does this with the boys too, but not as much as "boy" things) and playing kitchen and babydolls. I don't really know how to explain it, but it was different.

I think God wanted to teach me who was in control. This is something that I have really had to work on in my life. I turn things over to God, but I have a tendency to decide he is not doing anything about it or he just needs me to help him get started on taking care of things. In short, I take it back from God and decide I can do a better job. If Paul had not traveled so much for work when we were in Arkansas, we would not have been able to have any kids after AJ. But he was never home long enough to "take care of things" ;) When we moved to Louisiana so he could be home with us, he was at a new job and could not easily take off work. By the time he could, I was pregnant. At the time I did not see any of this. I did not see that God WAS working, in HIS own way and own time - not mine.

Honestly, I prefer God's timing (with this one anyway) :)

Without a bigger miracle than the one we have already had, we can't have more babies now. I remember how hard that was for me to accept after Andrew...before anything was even done. I can honestly say, I am at peace with that now. I feel like my family is complete. I cannot imagine things being any different than they are right now. If God wants pull off a miracle and give us another baby, that is what He is in the business of doing and we will glady accept that.

I think I have grasped the giving it to God and letting Him KEEP it thing. I am sure I will slip and try to take things back again, but my daughter is a CONSTANT reminder that I need to let Him be in control because He does everything for a reason. Even if I don't understand the reason at the time, in the long run.... think of what we would have missed if we were in control of these situations.

I have four wonderful boys that I have so enjoyed watching grow. Now I have a gorgeous, sweet baby girl. I try to think of my daughter-in-laws to come when we raise the boys, now I will try to think of my son-in-law when we raise our daughter. As much as I have enjoyed my daughter, there is nothing I enjoy more than watching her Daddy with her. It is such a sweet relationship between a Daddy and his daughter. I have always loved the song Cinderella, but the first time I heard it after we had Mady, I cried through the whole song.

I wanted to put this post on here so badly because I don't want it to take 30 years for my kids to learn this VERY important lesson. I know I will slip. I will have my bad days. They will too. But God forgives us and doesn't give up on us, no matter what.

I truely believe the kids teach me as much as I teach them. I must have had a LOT to learn (that is why He gave me five kids!!) They each have their own personality and they each bring something different to our lives...including different lessons.

I feel truely blessed that God has given us our wonderful kids and hope that I can make Him proud of how we raise them. I am also blessed that I can stay home and be there for everything they do. It can be so overwhelming sometimes, but when you get to see all of your child's first and you get to see them come home from school excited about something they acheived or something new they learned it is SO worth the frustrating times.

I want my kids to know they are truely gifts of God and I could not ask for anything more than what I have. I am incredibly lucky and I love them all very much!