Before you have kids there are things you say you will never say or do. There are also MANY things that you could not even prepare yourself for or fathom EVER coming out of your mouth. Believe me, with four boys..there are a LOT of things that I say and then I wonder if that REALLY came out of my mouth!
Here are some examples of things I have had to say. Warning: some of these might not be for those with weak stomachs....
Go clean the slug slime of the doorknob. (I have a child that likes to put slugs on the front door knob while he waits for the bus so Mom grabs them and gets grossed out...doesn't even have to be April Fool's Day!)
Quit eating (insert some kind of food or candy) out of the trashcan
I believe you that the grasshopper was alive when you put it in your pocket yesterday morning. But, grasshoppers don't survive long in little boys pockets....especially when said pocket has been through the washing machine!
Go potty and you can feed P-Rex (or the fact that we have a bank named P-Rex for that matter)
No, Daddy is not going to beat ANYBODY up! (Daddy was wrestling with one child and another one asked "Daddy, can you beat me up next?")
Don't kiss the dog under his tail
I know you love your sister, but you can not hug her to death (Watching Andrew hug his sister makes me flashback to Animaniacs "I will hug him and pet him and squeeze him and pat him and pet him and caress him..."
Do you need to go poopy or peepee
Please put that back in your pants (Andrew likes to pull it out when he needs to go potty, he just doesnt wait until he gets to the bathroom to do it)
Stop licking the wall
Just go pee over there (sometimes a boy has to go...whether there is a bathroom or not)
Stop licking the floor
Stop licking the dog
Stop licking....you can probably add just about anything here and I have probably had to say it
Do not tell your brother to fish out the toy you dropped in the poopy toilet....that is why we don't bring toys with us when we got potty
Do not let the 2 year old climb a six foot ladder and slide down a piece of wood (yeah, unfortunately I had to tell Dad and Grandpa that one...that was during the Redneck Olympics while still recovering from the birth of our daughter)
Do not let the 2 year old jump off homemade ramps on his powerwheels tractor (again... Dad and Grandpa - and I wonder where the boys get it from)
No, you cannot take your brother with you kayaking so he can be alligator bait if one trys to attack you
If you are going to try to vacuum up your brother, go get the shop vac so you don't ruin my good vacuum!!
Go let your bloody nose drip in the sink while I get you something to put on it....and STOP EATING THE BLOOD!
I am going to MAKE that dog bite you if you don't quit kicking her
Is that poop on the floor or is it a bug? Or a raisin? Oh, it USED to be a bug! Which leads me to the next one.....
I know who ate the bug. There is a cricket leg hanging out of his mouth.
DROP THAT MOUSE RIGHT NOW! OH MY GOSH IT IS STILL ALIVE!! (As I jump onto a bed with my two year old holding a mouse that the cat played with ALMOST to death. This was with my first son, but I would probably still react the same way!) Which was followed by...
Let's go wash your hands again. I know we have washed them about 25 times already, but you touched an almost dead MOUSE!!
I know you want to be a fireman and it is your duty to put out any fires, but PLEASE NEVER pee on the fire in the fireplace again!! (probably should have specified not to pee on ANY fires, but hey...)
No, we cannot play in the front yard naked. We have neighbors!
You are going to eat it so quit gagging! (Bryce makes himself gag if the SIGHT of the food set in front of him doesn't appease him. Usually though, after we make him eat it - he LIKES it - except tuna sandwichs)
And, there was also....if make yourself throw up you are going to eat it. It tastes MUCH better only going down once!
You are going to have to hold on to that booger until we get home. I have nothing for you to wipe it on and you are NOT wiping it on my car seats, carpet, ceiling, seatbelt or YOUR BROTHERS! That is why we don't pick our nose! (answered with "I guess I could eat it like my brother does." Which I responded with "as long as it doesn't end up on my car or on your brothers....."
Do you have poop on your butt? Then WHY is the dog following you around licking your butt? OH, and WHY ARE YOU NAKED AGAIN??
No, I will not put dishsoap and chocolate in the water you are drinking
I told you to get ready for school. Since you kept ignoring me you can go to school in your underwear. YES, I AM serious. Get in the car. (this only happened once and not only does he remember it well, but he tells his brothers frequently that I will do it.)
Do NOT brush your teeth with the same tooth brush you just cleaned the toilet with! And WHY are you cleaning the toilet with your toothbrush?
Is there really any point in taking a shower if you are going to dry the pee off the bathroom floor and then dry yourself with the same towel?
Do not feed your brothers red peppers from the bird cage
Since you fed your brother red peppers anyway, go get one out of the birds food bowl and YOU eat it. YES, I am serious! If it was good enough for you to make him eat it, it is good enough for you to eat it!
Why are you sniffing your brothers (or sisters) butt?
You got several blisters on your fingers because you wanted to see how long you could hold your hand on a hot lightbulb? I think you need to move to the bottom bunk!
No, I don't hope the house catches on fire tonight so that the fireman will come to the house. Well, I guess it depends on the fireman that comes. Wait, no....I don't want the house to catch on fire.
Why is there a dirty diaper in the space shuttle?
This is only a small list because, quite frankly, it happens so frequently I can't remember them all (and sometimes I don't even catch the did-I-just-say-that of whatever I am saying! Not much surprises me anymore!
And, there are lots of potty ones...did I mention I have four boys?
What are some things that you have said that you never thought you would say?
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