Kindergarten of Yesteryear

This is lengthy, but it has been weighing heavily on me lately.

My fourth child is starting kindergarten in August. You would think, coming from a mom whose FOURTH child is starting kindergarten, I would have known exactly what to expect when I went to "Kindergarten Round-up". I left disappointed, aggravated and with a sour taste about the year to come.

Andrew was VERY excited to go check out his new school and do what needed to be done so that he could be a mighty big Kindergartener as soon as possible. He could not wait. He talked about it for weeks leading up to the day. He woke up the morning of, got dressed, fixed his hair and asked ALL day "Is it time yet?" until 4:30 finally rolled around. He walked proudly into the school. He paid very close attention to everything everyone said. He was overly interested in every description of every classroom, lunch room, playground and restroom that was pointed out. I have NEVER seen him so excited but alert and absorbent of information as he was that day. He used every manner that we have spent years teaching.

Then the disappointment. At the end of the tour there were two classrooms set up for the kids to actually visit. In the first classroom the kids would get to decorate a cookie and eat it, the most important room for obvious reasons! The second room they got to go in and color. This is what he was most excited about out of the whole tour. Getting to see a BIG classroom.

He proudly walked in to the first room, his chest puffed up, head held high. He walked in slowly, looking around, taking in all the different sights. He walked to a seat at the table with a cookie sitting on a plate and icing and lots of different sprinkles in the middle of the table. He carefully picked up the plastic knife and while telling me the importance of being careful with knives he covered every last bit of that cookie with the creamy icing. Then he carefully sprinkled the top of it with a little of each option.

As he sat there eating his cookies, I was listening to the conversations going on around me.

There were several teachers walking around talking to the children. "What is your name?", "How old are you?", "What school are you coming from?" That is the question that sparked my interest in the conversations around me.

The teachers would listen as EACH student said what school they went to. They would stand there for several minutes and talk to each child about the school they are in and their friends and what they like about their school days.

Then they got to my child.

"What is your name?"

"Andrew" he said proudly lifting the star that hung around his neck with his name written on it, smiling ear to ear the whole time.

"And what school do you go to Andrew?"

"I am going to go here!"

"I know! Where do you go now?"

"I don't go to school. I stay home with my Mommy and sister."

"Oh."

That was it. Teacher after teacher left it at that. No conversation. No "What is your favorite part of the day. No "what are you looking forward to." They simply walked away from him and moved to the next child. I noticed the pattern, but more importantly HE noticed. Every time he was asked he looked a little more deflated.

The second classroom he walked in and was told that he could sit anywhere he wanted and color. He seemed a little less excited about this class. The teacher walked up and asked his name.

"Andrew!" he again answered proudly, lifting his star with his name printed on it.

"What school do you go to?"

"I don't go to school." He said as he looked at me in that didn't-we-just-have-this-conversation way.

"Oh!" was again the reply. "Well Andrew, can you write your name for me."

"No, I can't write it by myself, but I can write it over what Mommy writes." (in other words he can trace his name)

"OH! WELL, can you tell me what your name STARTS with?"

Andrew seems annoyed, but he lifts his star and points to the a and says "A"

Then he looks down. But, quickly, before she has time to say anything else, he lifts his head back up, picks up his star and says "N-D-R-E-W" sounding very annoyed. The teacher did not say anything else. No "good job" or anything. He colored for a minute and said he was ready to go.

Why should my child feel like LESS of a student because he is not in school BEFORE Kindergarten? Why should I be made to feel like a failure of a parent because my child is not in school BEFORE Kindergarten?

When I was in Kindergarten it was more of a social thing than a homework, test, minute -by-minute planned out and scheduled day. Don't get me wrong, we learned. We learned how to be nice to others, manners, hands on play, IMAGINATIVE play. We learned how to write, our A-B-C's, numbers and some beginner reading.

Kindergarten was more of a stepping stone from being at home or daycare into being in a school environment. It wasn't requiring five year olds (which really range from four year olds up to six year olds) to sit for long periods of time, get checks for speaking or getting up or playing with someone. We sat in circles and read stories. We didn't have to get up and take a test about the story that was read to us.

It seems now as soon as they start kindergarten they are being groomed for standardized test (which is REALLY a whole different rant). They are expected to sit and listen. They are expected to absorb things that honestly, I am not quite sure is always in their realm of absorption at that age. They are expected to keep their hands to themselves, their eyes on the teacher, their mouth closed and their ears open. They are given a FIFTEEN to TWENTY minute RECESS (WOW!!!!! That is it???). They are not allowed to talk at lunch.

We wonder why our society is falling apart? When do kids learn to BE KIDS? To be FRIENDS? To interact with people in a way that is not full of boundaries and rules and lines that are not to be crossed? Don't get me wrong. I think lines and boundaries and rules are important. But a four year old kissing another four year old (not that I am encouraging this at all) should not be grounds for "character building" class (being seperated from the general public for a day - ALL day, not getting to leave the room for anything other than going to the potty), checks in conduct folders, phone calls home, visits to the principal, etc.

Kids are starting school earlier and earlier. Pre-School starts at 3. We expect THREE year olds to walk in a room, put their lunch boxes away, sit at their desk and quietly work away at the assignments given to them. We expect them to patiently wait until someone says they can go play. We EXPECT more than just children being children. We expect them to come equipped with manners and the ability to problem solve with other children and adults at the age of 3.

I am not bashing those who put their children in school early. Some kids need it. I have children that went to school at 3 because they NEEDED it. I have children that stayed home until they started kindergarten. They did not "need" it. I also understand that some kids have to go to school because of parents working. That used to be called day care, and it used to be fun. Even more daycares now are using curriculums and very strict schedules. I have one child that I wish did NOT go to preschool because he was so bored in kindergarten.

Every child is different. That is my point. Why is MY child less of a student because he is going to kindergarten with no previous "schooling". Why can a teacher not have a conversation with my child because he has been at home with his mother for five years. Why am I frowned upon because I made the decision to raise my child at home with me?

If they HAD attempted to have a conversation with him they would have learned that he is a very sweet and affectionate child. They would have learned that he talks well beyond his age. They would have found that he loves to and is eager to learn and was excited to be with them. They would have found that socially he is leaps and bounds beyond where many of the other, "schooled" children are and that he could be friends with anyone that would let him and would die trying to be friends with those that won't. They would have found that he is hilarious and has an awesome personality.

They would have found that the things that so many grown-ups complain are lacking in so many children are the things that they are not being taught any more because the schools expect the parents to teach these things. At the same time, the schools want the kids to come to school already knowing the basics. Everyone seems to be in a race to see who can learn the most the fastest. Who can get the highest test scores. Who can be the best school in the country. Do those scores and titles really matter if we are not teaching the most fundamental lessons of life? Who cares if you have the most intelligent child in the country if he cannot have a conversation with anyone or coexist with people?

When it comes down to it, we put so much pressure on our kids to be their very best at SCHOOL but we don't give them the tools to be their very best in life.

I am proudly a mother that keeps my child home as long as I can without holding him back. There might be many kids that go into Kindergarten and know how to write their name, read a book, etc. Andrew might be in "trouble" some at the beginning because he does not understand that he has to sit for how ever many minutes at a table doing work. However, he WILL know that he is loved and that I enjoy spending every possible minute with him. He will know that whether he is the smartest kid in the class or not is not how my love for him is measured. He will know that I want him to be able to be young and enjoy his early years. He will know his manners (now I just hope he chooses to use them). He will know that there are expectations placed upon him, but they will not be that he comes home with an A on every paper.

Thirteen years is a lot of years to spend in a classroom. I know each year is important. I want him to go to college and have a great career doing something he loves. But, I don't want him to start school the minute he can walk, talk and do anything for himself. I don't want his imagination squashed for the advancement of some government agenda. I want him to be the funny, creative, sweet little boy that I have GLADLY spent the last five years playing with, teaching and loving. I want to have every minute I can with him before he doesn't have time for me. I don't want his first 25 years of life to be spent in schools so he can turn around and spend the next 50 working. I want to instill in him things that most schools don't take the time to teach, but expect to see.

When it comes to Mady's turn around I plan to do just as I have done with the first four kids. I will play it by ear. I will see what her needs are and I will go from there. I will NOT rush my children into growing up because that is what society is doing. I will allow my children to be care free as long as they can.