First Day of School 2012

FOUR in school this year!?!? It is so strange having one child at home. And, she is TOTALLY different alone than she is with a house full of brothers! When her brothers are home she is loud and crazy, just like them and she cannot do anything for herself. When she is home alone she is quiet and independent.

Caleb is in the eighth grade this year. He was ready to go back to school, but I think more so he could see his girlfriend and friends, than really to be back at school!

Isaac is in the fifth grade. He has some awesome teachers and was very excited to start school (unlike last year when he stressed about school all summer). He seems very confident this year.

Bryce is in the fourth grade. He was ready for school to start so he could see his friends.

Andrew is in Kindergarten. He has been way beyond excited. Since Christmas last year he has asked just about daily if it was time for him to go to school. Then his first day was the week after his brothers went. He did not think the day would ever come.

It was hard not to be sad about him going when he was SO excited about it. And, he still is! He came home the first day upset that he did not have homework! When he came home after school I asked if he was ready to forget school and stay home with me. He said "No way! You make me take naps!" I told him I wouldn't make him take a nap and he said he was going back to school. :( When they were out for the hurrication (hurricane vacation) last week he kept saying "we just started school and I already have to miss a week?"

I love that he loves school and I hope it stays that way forever!

Waiting on the bus. It was a toss up if he was more excited about the bus or school.

cutie :)

That smile is because he sees the bus coming FINALLY!!

The bus stops in front of him.....

And, then it LEAVES him standing there! He is saying "why did they just leave me here? Are they coming back?

They also forgot to drop him off in the afternoon. Then he had a bus change, and will be having another soon. But, he gets off a FULL HOUR EARLIER on the new bus (that is right - his afternoon bus ride was over an hour long!!!).

Feelings of Inadequacy

This year I have four kids in school and only one at home. In the past when I have only had one at home, I have always been pregnant with another one. I spent my time focusing on the one at home and trying to prepare the baby to no longer be the baby.

This time, the baby wants little to do with me, unless she needs something. There are days we walk in the house after we put the last child on the bus and she comes in and says "I am going to play by MYSELF!" And, that is what she wants to do.

Don't get me wrong. We spend time together. We play games, read, play the computer, run errands, etc., together, but she is not 100% dependent on me. And, there is not another one on the way that will be 100% dependent on me.

I have spent the last year, but REALLY over the summer, trying to decide what I was going to do when Mady went to school either next year or the year after (Kindergarten). Do I go back and finish my teaching degree, even though I know that is not what I want to do? What other degree would I be interested in?

My big dilemma....I don't feel like my job here is done. I still want (and need) to be here when my kids are (breaks, summer, when they are sick, bad weather, etc). I want to be home when they walk in the door excited or upset after school. I want to be able to go on the field trips, be at the awards ceremonies, band concerts, class parties, etc. I don't want anything of that to change for the kids.

On the other hand, for 11 years we have been a single-income household. It would be nice to have some extra income.

After months and months of back and forth, I keep coming back to me needing to work from home. I can be available to my children, I would not need to worry about having to call in every time a child is sick or school closes unexpectedly.

Here are where the feelings of inadequacy come in. After doing some research I found some companies that offer positions working from home (that are NOT scams from the research I did). There are not many out there! I sat down Monday evening to work on some applications and quickly starting feeling inadequate. I have not worked outside the house in ELEVEN years, why would anyone want to hire me, ESPECIALLY to work from home?

At home with my kids I don't have an overwhelming feeling of inadequacy. I definitely have moments of it. There are situations that come up that I really have to pray and ask if I am cut out for this job. I know I make mistakes - plenty of them! But, I feel like I am where I am supposed to be and doing the best I can.

I am going to fill out applications and send them in and just continue to pray. Pray that if this is what I am supposed to be doing He will guide me to the right thing for me and my family.

This is just another new chapter in this book of my life.