Monday, July 25, 2011

Fun Pics

Okay, so I HAVE to get back into my blogging! FB has made it so quick and easy to put pics up that I tend to do that and never get around to putting them on the blog! Hopefully, with school starting soon, I will get back into the swing of things!

Last week the oldest two went to church camp. They had a blast and I enjoyed the extra time with the younger three. We saw this memorial rose garden and thought it would be a fun place to take some pics. It was really sunny and hot though :(

Madeleine LOVES wearing her boots! She will wear the boots around with nothing else. Anytime she sees me put on my boots, especially with that dress, she runs and gets hers and asks for the dress she is wearing in these pics. I have wanted to get pics of us in our boots for a while.



























Tuesday, July 19, 2011

The Truth About ADHD

I have had this post swirling in my head for a long time, but have not had the courage to actually type it. This topic is one of those sticky ones and usually people seem to have strong feelings one way or another about it, usually depending on if they live with it or not. I am not putting this out there to pursuade people to feel one way or the other on the topic or change anyones mind. I am strictly putting my experience and struggle out there.

I am talking about Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. I have two children that have been diagnosed with some form of ADHD, and the road to get to where we are has not been easy on any of us (and still isn't).

To medicate or not to medicate is a question that gets lots of controversy. Honestly, a couple of years ago, I was more on the don't medicate side of the fence. I was also very uneducated on the topic! Many people, and I was one of them, thought that as a parent if you "medicate" your child for ADHD you are essentially trying to change who your child is.

I could not have been more wrong.

When the first child was diagnosed, it was after months of trying to figure out why he was struggling so bad in school. He was never in trouble. In fact, his was so hard to figure out because he was so quiet and calm that he blended in to the class. He never raised his hand in class. He went from making good grades one year to big time failing the next year. It took us half of the school year, many conferences with teachers, interventionist, school counselors, principals, not to mention drs, to figure out that he was, in fact struggling with ADD. Even after the diagnoses, I was still on the fence about meds. He had symptoms like disorganization, procrastination, forgetfulness, easily distracted, etc. The class would move from English to Math and he would still be asking questions about English. He just could not focus.

After talking to his dr at length about what was going on, and how we felt about medicine, etc. the dr told us about a medicine that only last 6-8 hours a day and when it was out of his system, it was out. The side effects were minimal, if any and there was no concern of dependency. We could give him the medicine only when he needed it (when he was going to school or doing something that he really needed to concentrate on). The dr started him on the lowest possible doseage.

We stayed in constant contact with his teachers for updates. Since he was only taking the medicine at school and it was out of his system by the time we got home, we had no choice but to trust his teachers to pay close attention to him. Thank God, we were blessed with a couple of teachers that were more than willing to help us out. They truly had his best interest at heart.

That was a brutal year. He struggled SO much and worked SO hard to get his grades back up so he did not get held back. He would come home from school and do homework until bedtime, with no complaining. He volunteered to go to summer school that summer so he could continue to work to get caught up. The next year he went in to a transitional class, meaning small class size (16 kids as opposed to the normal 25ish), that had interventionist come in regularly and work with the kids on their problem areas. He went from failing one year, to getting his grades up to C's sprinkled with an occasional A and B, to last year A's and B's sprinkled with an occasional C. He made A/B honor roll several times last year. It still has not been easy, and he still spends a LOT of time on homework (which is hard because his other two brothers are sponges who don't study and still make A's). But, he doesn't complain. He makes the best of his situation. He knows what he has to do and he wants the grades so he is willing to do it.

He is one dose up from the lowest possible dose of his medicine. We did have to adjust it when we realized he was doing well in his morning classes and not as well in his afternoon classes.

The other child that we are dealing with this with is the opposite. He DOES have the hyperactivity portion of it. But, when many people think of a child with ADHD, they think of the child that is always bouncing around, fidgeting, loud, can't sit still, etc. Those are all symptoms that we deal with. Unfortunately, they are not the biggest or worst symptoms. Those are the "easier" issues to deal with. There are so many other issues that you don't hear about as much. There are impulse control issues like impatience, difficulty delaying responses (which can lead to stealing, hiding things, deceitful type behavior), lying, interrupting continuously, etc. He does not always have the ability to think of the consequence for a behavior he chooses "in the moment". He also has anxiety issues, he is just naturally a worrier.

I don't know why these struggles are less talked about, but I know for me there are many reasons I tend not to discuss it. For one, I do not want my child labeled by anyone. Yes, he has struggles but they do not and should not define who he is as a person. As a parent you never want your child to be "that" child, whatever that means. I don't want his peers to know what he goes through because these are his peers for life. I don't want other adults judging him or jumping to conclussions about him or assuming if something is missing he took it, either. People have ways of remembering things, especially negative things about others. I don't want choices he makes at such a young age to follow him around for life.

There is also a very selfish reason for me not discussing the less obvious struggles. I don't want it to reflect on the kind of parents we are. I know that is a horrible attitude. These are not things we have "taught" our child are permissable. They are not things that we let him get away with, although punishing a child that would seemingly rather suffer the consequence of his choices than to make a better choice is very difficult.

I can see why so many parents struggle with their kids. Society judges so quickly and easily and points fingers, even without having ANY of the facts of the situation a parent is in. I can see where parents would not want to reach out for help if it would put a target on their back for their parenting skills. Things can snowball out of control so easily and I can see where parents can lose their children because they do not know how to handle them. As much as I do to try and help, there are still times I feel helpless and worry about his future.

One of the things that get overlooked about this diagnosis is the self-esteem of the child. When you struggle with everything you do and you always feel like you have the wrong answer, why would you want to raise your hand in class? When you KNOW you make poor choices, but don't feel like you can control those choices, it is easy to feel like a failure and not good enough to be around others. Then you start making up lies to make yourself look and feel better or get the attention you crave but can never get enough of, no matter how much you get. It is a whirlwind and it is heartbreaking to watch in both situations.

With the second child's diagnosis, it has been almost a year. I am not convinced we are at his dose yet. He is still on a very low dose, but I am not sure we are there. He makes great grades, even though we struggle getting him to do his homework. He will hide his homework worksheets, throw them away, tear them up, and tell us he has no homework. Since he is very unorganized we have to pull EVERYTHING out of his backpack every evening and go through papers one by one (he does not use his folders). If it is blank, he has to do it, whether he says it is homework or not.

I still do not want my children on medicine for ever. The child that has the inattentivness we have found that he loves golf. We have also found that golf is great therapy for him. He is in First Tee, which teaches life skills through the game of golf. He learns how to interact with others, look them in their eyes, good strong handshakes, respect, etc. It is also a game where you take your time and are not rushed. He has to pay attention to what he is doing though. I do not give him his medicine before he plays. I want him to learn that he can do things without depending on his meds. I want him to learn that he can learn to focus and pay attention to what he needs to without meds. But, I do NOT want his grades and learning to suffer while trying to teach these lessons. Most importantly, he LOVES the game and his self-esteem in the last year he has played has sky-rocketed. He is the only one of the kids that plays, and we plan on keeping it that way. He has something that he is good at, and none of his siblings can outdo him at. He likes to show his siblings how to play. Eventually, we might let the others learn, but not yet.

With the second child's diagnosis, his is a little more serious in nature as far as long term effects. I worry about him because there is so much substance abuse in our families and I know the addictive nature is in his blood. I don't ever want him to feel like he needs to turn to something else. He is in counseling. I am trying to give him every oppurtunity to succeed at life and not let him let this define who he is. He is learning coping techniques for when he feels impulses to do or take things he should not. He is learning to think of the end result of his choices and how THAT will effect him. He is learning to help himself. His counselor feels like he is making good progress, but it will be a work in progress for some time.

I feel like we spend a lot of time in power struggles with each other, so the counseling, although the counselor and I only spend a few minutes each session talking about what has been going on since last time we were there, helps me as well. She is able to get things out of him and feelings out of him that we are not.

As any mother, I always want what is best for my children. I will move Heaven and Earth to give them what I can and offer them any help I can. We cannot do this on our own. We have been blessed with a great support system with the drs and counselor and golf staff. When it comes down to it, I cannot make their choices in life for them. I can only give them the best foundation I can and hope they get the most out of it for life.

Meanwhile, I continue to pray for them and for their lives (of ALL of my children). And, I continue to pray for lots of patience and understanding and forgiveness. After all, isn't that what I have to ask that God has for me?

Wrapping Up Summer

Another summer is quickly coming to an end. That means my kids are still growing too fast.

This will be Andrew's last year at home. The past year we have done a lot of discussing and praying about whether or not to put him in preschool. The cost of the public preschool here went up significantly this year and while his education is very important to us we decided to just wait and let him start Kindergarten next year. He has done very well learning at home and he has NO issues as far as being a VERY social (often times TOO social) child. My only concern with him not being in a preschool environment is the fact that he does not have the structure at home that he will have at school. This year we will be spending some time working on sitting quiety, staying on task, etc., as much as I can with a four year old and a two year old anyway. Then we will hope for a teacher on the stricter side when he DOES start next year! My days of having kids at home all day are becoming numbered and I want to enjoy it and soak it in while I can.

This summer has been good. I started it off with a vacation (albeit a working vacation) with my husband. It was so awesome to get to spend some time together alone and out with other adults. It was our first trip without kids since we had kids - 12+ years ago!! We have to find a way to do that more often! It was nice to see that we still like each other and can still enjoy each other without kids.

A couple of weeks after that trip I got to go on a trip with my bestest friend ever -for going on TWENTY years *cough, cough*. This was another first. We talk just about daily, but she lives in Texas and I live in Louisiana, so we don't see each other much. It was great to get to spend some RELAXING, kid-free time with her.

In between the trips we stayed busy with golf camps, church Bible studies, lots of swimming, etc. I was not too excited about getting a pool when Paul first mentioned it, or even as it was going up. But, I LOVE it! Man, can it zap the kids energy!

The last couple of weeks have been rough for us all. I have been under the weather and back and forth to the dr. It is never good when Mom cannot get out of bed for a week and a half and when she does make it out of bed she is weak and has no energy! It was great to see how concerned and caring the boys were though. They really helped me out, especially the older three. And, I got several get well soon cards from some of the boys.

This week Caleb and Isaac are at church camp. They have been looking forward to this all summer and I am glad that they are getting to go. The year we moved to Louisiana Caleb went with our church in Arkansas. That was the last time he got to go. He is going to the same camp, but at a different campus in Mississippi. This will be Caleb's last year with this camp and then he moves up to Youth Camp. That means next year I will have THREE to pay for! I can't wait to hear all of their stories when they get home.

Next week Bryce is going to Dallas to spend five days with Nana. He is so excited and he doesn't even know all of the fun plans she has for him. He has spent the last week guessing because he knows I know. He has been wanting to go to Legoland since he found out there was one in Dallas opening. He has asked several times if he is going with Nana and I just keep shrugging my shoulders. She also got them really good seats to the circus. He has never been to the circus, so I am sure he will love that.

Next week we start our School Orientation/Open House rounds. Three kids at three schools this year! It will defininetly be a school bus transportation year! But, at least I can stagger what times they get up and who has to be ready when. It MIGHT make it a little less hectic in the morning, but I am not going to hold my breath about that!!

Then, school starts the 11th!! We have a 7th grader, 4th grader and 3rd grader! I think they are all pretty much ready to start. Caleb is looking forward to being on the swim team again and is playing in the band again. Isaac is still playing golf, which is more or less year round.

I hope everyone enjoyed their summer (and those who still have summer left continue to enjoy). While I will miss having my kids all at home, I am ready to get back on our more routine routine!

Thursday, July 07, 2011

Bad Dr Etiquette

Last Friday I went in for a medical procedure in which I was to be sedated for. I went back to get the IV put in and wait for my turn. As I am being wheeled back to the procedure room, my dr and another dr are in the hall talking - rather loudly.

The excitable dr to my dr ".....and then when someone dies we put a plaque in the room right here." he says as he walks into the room I am about to be wheeled in to.

I am NOT sedated yet! "Ummm....well let's hope we will NOT need that plaque today!" I say as I go in the room.

My dr quickly says the other dr was talking about when a DR dies, not a patient.

I told him that the word death, dead, die, or any other form of the word did not need to be coming off his lips before he comes in to my room - seems like bad luck!

As I am being sedated I hear someone in the hall saying "The patients do not want to hear the drs talking about death back here."

GO FIGURE!

My dr did apologize for the other dr and said that is not something that should be talked about when they are surrounded by people having whatever procedures done.